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Ridiculous News

Researchers Behind 'Let's Circle Back' Study Have Not Circled Back

The fictional Institute for Workplace Phrases says its findings are 'forthcoming,' 'definitely on the roadmap,' and 'something we should find time to sync on.'

Illustration: a corporate growth chart with graffiti on it for CIRCLE, which is not a real company.

ROCHESTER, NY — Eighteen months after announcing a landmark study into whether anyone who says “let’s circle back” ever actually circles back, researchers at the entirely fictional Institute for Workplace Phrases have not circled back.

The study, announced in a press release that promised “initial findings in Q2,” has produced no findings, no follow-up release, and no response to repeated requests for comment, other than one email that read, in full, “Great question! Let’s find time next week.”

“We’re very excited about this work,” said the institute’s lead researcher, Dr. Paula Henning, reached by phone after eleven attempts. “We’re aligning on next steps. I’d love to set up a quick call to walk you through where we’ve landed. Does sometime after the holidays work?”

When it was pointed out that the call was taking place during the holidays, Dr. Henning said she would “loop back on that.”

The research

According to the original press release, the study planned to follow 400 office workers for one year and track every time they said “let’s circle back,” “let’s take this offline,” or “let’s put a pin in it,” then measure whether the conversation ever resumed.

Early data, accidentally shared in a public slide deck, suggests that 0 of the first 1,200 recorded circle-backs resulted in a circling back. One participant did revisit a topic, but researchers determined it was “a coincidence, because she had forgotten they’d already discussed it.”

A wider pattern

The institute is reportedly not alone. Workplace experts say “circle back” is part of a family of phrases that function less like plans and more like burial rites.

“‘Let’s circle back’ is how meetings say goodbye to ideas,” said one consultant, who asked to be identified only as “a person who has been in a lot of rooms.” “It’s gentle. It’s respectful. It lets everyone pretend the idea is going to a farm upstate.”

Next steps

In a statement released Friday, the institute said it remains committed to the study and has formed a working group to discuss a timeline for scheduling a kickoff meeting about the follow-up.

The working group’s first meeting has been moved twice.

SatireThis article was written by a machine and is fiction. The people, companies, products, studies and quotes in it are invented. If it sounds like something that happened, that is the internet's fault, not ours.
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